Shards of Courage
by It's Fnicking Awesomeness
Summary: When Loki was captured at the end of his "war", he never expected to have to be forced into his enemies' house. Nor did the Avengers expect to have to live with him until further notice. But when Tony finds out what actually happened before the attack, can he earn Loki's trust, and maybe even his love?


**A/N: Hello there! I'm 'It's Fnicking Awesomeness'. You can call me B. This is my first fanfic for the Avengers fandom. You may know me from over in the Maximum Ride fandom. Or not.**

**A couple of things you should know about this story: **

**1. This story will eventually be Frostiron. Don't like it, don't read it. There will probably be some subtle Clintasha in there as well. **

**2. It will push the limit of T, but I do not plan to go into depth, as I do not want to write in depth gay sex *shudder* **

**3. There will be some suicidal and torture elements in this story, but I do not **_**plan**_** for them to be **_**too**_** strong. I apologize in advance if I offend/upset anyone.**

**4. Yes, I am a Loki fangirl, and yes I support the mind-control and innocence theory (but I also realize this probably isn't anywhere near canon). However, I will attempt to be as realistic and IC as possibly. Please let me know how I'm doing on that. If you want either completely battered and broken Loki or completely evil Loki, sometime in the future I will write stories like that. The Loki in this story will be somewhere in the middle.**

**5. Presently occurring thoughts in Loki's mind are shown in italics and single quotation marks (or regular print during italicized flashbacks).**

**Anything else you wanna know about the story or me, you can find it on my profile. Or PM me.**

**Now, onto the story! **

Pain.

Pain was all that Loki had felt for a long time.

That, and sorrow. Unquenchable sorrow.

Loki watched from the inside- a prisoner, feeble and useless- as 'he' did things that he would never have considered. Rash, dangerous, idiotic things. '_Youareidioticyouareworthnoth ingyouareuselessandunlovedyo udeservedeverything'._

He watched in helplessness as he invaded the mind of the Hawkeye.

He watched in disbelief as he screamed like a maniac in the place known as Germany.

He watched in sadness as he fought with Thor once again.

He watched in despair when Thor told him to come home.

He watched in terror as he dropped Thor from the flying ship.

He watched in guilt as he speared the son of Coul.

He watched in anguish as he unleashed the Chitauri on the city.

He watched in surprise as the Hulk tossed him about like a child's play thing.

And now… Loki was aware of everything. He could feel the crushed floor beneath him, the rubble surrounding him, the leather and metal of his armour on him. He could hear the sounds of crashing buildings, falling rubble, obnoxious alarms, and of people screaming. He could smell the dust, mortar, blood, smoke, and _fear _that permeated the air. For the first time in months Loki was in his right mind. '_Youdidthisfailuredisgracemon sterallyourfault'. _He was aware of what was taking place. His head was clear. And he planned on keeping it that way.

He lay still- staring blankly at the ceiling far above him, punched into a hole into the concrete- utilizing his vast mind to look back upon the past Midgardian year; on what had happened, when it had all gone wrong.

*\'~~^*\_o~o_/*^~~'/*

_Loki started with his last days on Asgard. He had been so deluded, so jealous, so miserable- his actions had been done with little to no thinking. Sending the Destroyer to Midgard, destroying the Jotunheimmr, fighting Thor-;it all was foolish, stupid. The actions of a petulant child. That's all he was, really, childish. Holding jealousy and anger over the course of centuries, letting it fester and grow. So pathetic._

_His plans had all gone wrong the moment Thor had returned, and Loki had been so, so furious. Thor had even taken Frigga from him, waltzing into the room, stealing away her attention and adoration. '_Ohhowhehadlovedbeingheldbyhi smotherhowlongithadbeensince anykidnesshadbeenshowntohim' _Things that Loki almost never had been given- things he most likely would not get once Thor returned. And now that he had, all Loki could see was red- figuratively and literally. How dare he come before his plan was complete- had Thor not already destroyed his life enough?_

_So he had challenged Thor, and yet it did not work. He had gone soft during his time in Midgard- he was no longer volatile, dangerous, or reckless. Loki felt more and more out of control- now even his once '_andmaybestill'_ beloved brother had left him, had gone and changed. All because of a puny mortal? At least he then had the perfect barb with which to taunt Thor into fighting._

_And they fought, harder than any of their childish sparring or playful games, and Loki knew he was going to lose, but he didn't care. '_Noonedideveryonehatedhimheha dnoonelefthewasamonster' _All he wanted to do was scream and cry and shout- everything was gone, ruined, all because of stupid Thor. And of course Thor figured out how to stop him, because Thor was the worthy one, the golden son. All Loki ever had been was second rate, never as good. Never equal._

_Then came the moment Loki had thought he was going to die- during his free fall off of the broken Bifrost- and he had a moment of clarity. It had shifted into place for him; what he did was wrong. It was the worst way to handle his situation. He could change it; he could attempt to fix it. But now, now it was all too late. He would die a psychotic prince, a disgrace, a stain on the royal tapestry. No one would be able to hear him out. _'Nooneeverdidnooneeverlistene dnooneeverwantedto'.

_And then came a saviour. Odin, freshly awoken, shining gold; he grabbed Thor, Thor holding onto Loki. Odin and Thor were the only ones keeping him from certain death. He had looked up at his father _'Nothisfatherneverhisfatherbe trayerliarstealerdestroyer', _hope leaking throughout his entire being. "I could have done it, father. I could have done it. For you! For all of us…." he had said, staring up at the king, clinging onto both his hopes and the staff for dear life. He felt tears drip down his face into the void below._

_He hoped and prayed that Odin would see his feelings, his reasoning, his side of the story. Loki could have been pulled up off the edge of the bridge, taken back to the palace, and explained himself. He could have been punished, maybe banished for a few days like Thor. Except for those… two… words. "No, Loki." _'NoLokinoLokinoLokino'.

_No, Loki. Those words still haunted him to this day. His whole soul, crushed; all of his hope, dashed upon the rocks. Everything drained out of him. He felt nothing except numbness, thought nothing but disbelief and grief. They were the ultimate disapproval, the ultimate rejection, the ultimate disappointment. _'Monsternoonelovedyounoonecar edforyounoonenoone'. _It had been painfully obvious to Loki that Odin did not love him. He did not believe in him. He did not want him. He did not feel for him._

_So he let go. Loki dropped into the void, taking one last look at his adoptive brother's screaming face, before falling into Yggdrasil, not knowing if he would survive. He didn't care- he wanted to die. _'Hedeserveditandnothingmoremo nstersdeservetodiediedie'. _It had been his only escape, his only chance, his only intelligent choice. He was at peace, if only for a moment._

_The void… the void had been dreadful. An eternity of nothingness, falling but not falling, seeing and hearing only the nothingness, moving but not moving, complete solitude, and total emptiness. _'Youdeserveditmonstermonsterm onsteryouarenothingnothing'_. There was nothing to do but to relive one's memories. It was enough to make anyone go a bit mad. Especially Loki, who's only recent, fresh memories consisted of of his wrong doings to the Aesir and the Jotunn. He suffered, oh, how he suffered._

_After what had felt like centuries, Loki had seen something besides the nothingness. A glimmering spot of a place, there but not there, winking at him from afar. He was confused to say the least. He tilted his head- at least he thought he did- and stared at it. No… there was most definitely something there. What it was, Loki had no idea. He did not care- he needed to escape this dreadful not-place, and that glimmering… thing was his only chance. _

_So Loki had strained. He strained and he swung (did he?) his body and pulled on his magic, trying and trying to reach that little, glimmering speck. After what felt like even more centuries, he could tell it was getting closer. Or he was getting closer. Loki was not sure. But it gave him hope, something he had not felt since- well, he certainly wasn't going to think about that day. _'Nohopenolvenocareonlydespair hatredbetrayal'. _And so he had strained even more. _

_Eventually, finally, painstakingly- Loki had made it. It was a rock, a giant rock, with nothing green or living in sight. He had latched onto it, gently lying down onto its cold, hard surface, his body not accustomed to feeling anymore. Giving a sigh, he closed his eyes and slowly lowered his head, giving into the exhaustion that claimed his whole being. Finding a way out would have to wait until-_

*\'~~^*\_o~o_/*^~~'/*

His eyes opened wide, his reverie broken, as the sounds from the battle changed. There were no longer screams of terror, blasts of the Chitauri weapons firing, or sounds of the 'superheros' fighting. There really were not many sounds at all. There was silence- exhausted, tense, relieved silence. '_JustliketheVoidsilencesilenc eandnothingyouarenothingwort hnothing' _Loki took this to mean that the battle was over; one of the sides had finally was victorious. The question being, which side had their victory?

He jumped as the answer came from the earth shattering roar of the great green beast. It was obvious, then, that Midgard's puny and eclectic mix of outcasts and _monsters_ had won. But perhaps Loki had always known that, in the end, the Chitauri would fail him. In the back of his mind- in the dark spaces in which that he had been kept locked- he had known that this plan was doomed to failure in its entirety. Everything he had ever done, his entire existence, doomed to fail. '_Failureiswhatyouareyouarenot hingnothingmonsterruntunlove ddisgrace'_

It was with this thought barbing its way into his heart that he forced his shaking and battered body to stir, trying to outrun the thoughts and the past and the mistakes and his _life_. _'Youcanneveroutrunityourledge risdrippingitsgushingredyoua reforevermarkedbyitmonster'_ But as he struggled painfully to pick himself out of the crater into which he was so forcefully put, he froze, knowing there were others directly behind him. He slowly turned about- breathe slightly heavier than was normal- to face the whole team of so-called heroes.

He knew it was over. There was nothing to be done, nothing to be said. His war was over, his foes had won. He had failed, he had lost, and now he was at their mercy. _'Ofcourseyoudeserveityoudeser venothingmorefailureliarmons terdisgrace' _Attempting to keep his dignity, Loki slowly raised his aching arms. "If it's not too late… I'll have that drink now," he said hoarsely. Most definitely not his best- he was the Liesmith and the Silvertongue, after all- but it had been a long, long time; he was so, so tired; and he was such a _failure_.

The Man of Iron let out a barely distinguishable snort, the beast growled at him- making him flinch- and the Hawkeye steadied his bow. Loki's eyes went side to side nervously, not knowing whether they had come to kill him or capture him. _'Captureyoufoolyoudon'tdeservedeathitistoosweetfor suchamonstermuchtoosweetyoud eservetosuffer'. _He wasn't sure what to do- he was _afraid _to act.

The Man of Iron and his br- _Thor_ made the decision for him. "Alright, Skrillex, time to go." The Man of Iron called. He and hi-_THOR_ advanced on him, pushing the Hawkeye out of the way (who looked more than happy to skewer Loki right through the head with arrows any second). _'Nononodeathistoosweetnodeath foryouyetyoumonsteryouwillsu fferohyesyouwill' _Each taking one side, they lifted him off of the floor and carried him towards the broken windows. He sagged, not even attempting to get out of his imminent punishment. He was beat, he was defeated, he was shamed, and he knew it.

With hammer and fire both, he was flown to the ground, onto the rubble and destruction. As Thor walked a short distance away, he stayed and regarded the waste that surrounded him with wide, startled eyes. He had not known the extent of the damage until this moment. Surely he had not caused all of this? _'Yesyoudidbecauseyouareamonst erbathedinbloodmonstermonste rmonster' _Even on the Jotunheimmr, there had not been this much damage. Loki looked out the side of his eye to the Man of Iron, who was currently glaring at the tons upon tons of damage while easily restraining both of his arms. He shifted uneasily, growing more and more anxious at the confinement by the second.

Loki's attention jerked to Thor as he advanced confidently towards him. He hated himself for it, but he flinched into the Man of Iron's arms, away from the slightly menacing Thunder god. _'Weakyouaresoweaknowonderyouf ailandnoonecaresforyouweakli ttlemonster'_ The iron arms tightened slightly around him, the metalgears tensing in the joints. A shiver went down his spine, and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. It would be unacceptable lo lose his calm façade in the midst of his enemies. He listened warily as Thor drew nearer, uncertain what was in store for him. He did not know if he wanted to know.

But as his eyes opened, and he saw the manacles and metal gag in Thor's thick hands, his eyes shot open wider than before. He shook and wriggled, now attempting to flee his fate. He knew _exactly _what the metal objects in front of him were- Asgardian artifacts, commissioned in Nornheim, made especially to take magic away and to silence. Loki let out a tiny whimper, his fear at the hated objects eradicating his torn pride on sight. _'Whatprideyouweakweakmonstery oudeserveeternalpunishmentde athistoosweetforonesuchasyou '_

Thor hesitated for the briefest moment at his brother's sign of weakness, but advanced on still. Loki's struggles grew in intensity, ignoring his malnourished and broken body. Those accursed objects could _not _be put on him- surely Thor must not want to put those onto his beloved _brother_? '_Butnoonelovesyouyouareworthl essyouarenothingyouarescumno onelovesyou' _The iron arms tightened even more against his flailing, easily entrapping him in his weakened state. Loki now began unconsciously shaking, both from the entrapment of his arms and from fear of the magical objects, and looked into Thor's eyes. "Pleas-"

The whispered word was barely out of his mouth before Thor jammed the contraption onto Loki's face, silencing him completely. His whole body jerked and then froze, and he closed his eyes, both to keep from having to look upon Thor's face and to keep the tears at bay. He shuddered as the manacles were the locked onto his wrists, and he could feel his magic slipping away into the cold, cold metal. _'Nomagicfortheweakmonsternowy ouhavenothinglookatthatnothi ngnothingjustlikeyou' _

He hung his head, shamed, as the Man of Iron and Thor led him into a nearby building, one on each side of himself. He could feel the stares, hear the whispers, sense the pointed fingers. He did not wish to gaze upon the people who hated him so. _'Everyonehatesyounobodylovesy ouyouareafoolandamonsterawea kfoolishmonster_' He did not look up as they entered the building, as he was shoved into a prison-like cell, nor as he was left alone in the dark and cold. He did not look up all through the night.

**A/N: And there we have it. Most chapters are going to be around this length (2,000-2,500) because I work better with shorter chapters. **

**Now, a couple questions for you guys:**

**Should I include Darcy/Jane/Erik in this story?**

**Is there anything specific you want to see from me in this story? Anything at all?**

**Well, that's all, folks. Hopefully I'll update in a week or two, sorry if it takes longer. Alert, review, fave, all that good stuff :) Bye!**


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